That’s Not Candy

Blue, yellow and pink sweethearts candy for Valentine's

“That’s not candy, yuck!”

This is what my son decided after trying the Sweethearts candy that he came home with today. I had to agree.

I also had to agree with the blue heart when I saw the printing job on these things. LOL indeed.

I remember these candies tasting just as bad when I was a kid, but I don’t remember such a high ratio of printing errors in a package. But then again, maybe nothing ever is quite as we remember.

I hope you had a happy Valentine’s day!


B is for Baby Teeth (Gummi)

2016-03-31 11.28.23

This I do not understand at all. Let me count the ways:

  1. Have we run out of ideas? Are there no other shapes or objects left that we could possibly use to form sugar into candy? Next to these were jars of gummi army men and gummi brains. Why teeth?
  2. This implies that there is a demand for candy shaped like teeth. Who wants to eat gummi teeth? Whose fantasy was it to consume candy in the shape of the very thing that we need to chew our food into swallowable pieces?
  3. And who, what fellow human being, decided that baby teeth shapes might be a good idea to create for other humans to eat. Who was it that said, “You know what would be even better, is if we could eat teeth that were even smaller. Yesssss, the most delicate and tender of teeth. Bring me the baby teeth gummis!”
  4. And not only did someone have these thoughts, he or she shared them with others. Baby teeth-shaped candy doesn’t grow on store shelves. It had to be designed, a recipe was created, machinery was designed and created for manufacture, it is produced on some kind of schedule, we can assume the product is quality control checked, packaging was designed, the candy is shipped, sales of it are tracked, and, perhaps most mind-blowingly of all, it is eventually purchased at the consumer level. That’s a hell of a lot of people responsible for the existence of this stuff.
  5. The irony is that the sticky, sugary candy will obliterate the thing it was made to represent. Score 1 for the candy. With each chomp and chaw of your gnashing teeth, the gummi gets smaller and more stuck in between each one, spreading its sugary destructive power, and in time, there will be nothing left but the dentist bills. What is the sound of gummi teeth laughing?

If that’s it, if that’s the joke, I’m obviously not getting it. But, if you couldn’t already tell, I’m not a big fan of gummi candy, anyway. Or any kind of candy, really. I prefer chocolate. And no, I don’t see the appeal in eating chocolate shaped like teeth–baby or otherwise.


I’m participating in the A to Z Challenge for the month of April. The idea is to post every day, except Sundays, and end up with one post for each letter of the alphabet. It’s a good challenge to help me to blog every day.

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